My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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