Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
