I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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