he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
