Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
