Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
