Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
