birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
