i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
