i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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