He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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