WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
