It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
