Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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