life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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