I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
