Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sobbing to NWA
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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