Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
