Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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