She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
