theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
