you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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