i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
