I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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