dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I came so hard my ears popped.
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