just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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