fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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