how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
