we have pet lesbian snakes
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
