Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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