I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize