I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
