just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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