biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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