i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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