i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
