I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
