I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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