I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
