the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
