i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
