imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
