I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
