At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
