i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
