I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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