You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
