I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
