I think I just saw someone hide a body.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
