I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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