So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
