I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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