yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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