Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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