I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
