I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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