Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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