guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
