I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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