just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
