You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
