She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
