So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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